Rei Nara

[Shadow Ninja]

And it should be "no they aren't" in your last post.


-_-

[kingjosh]

I know what a fragment is...........I dont know why you are pregnant doging because a lot of the accecpted profiles has a shorter history then me.

[Haruka]

Ok, listen. Only one sentence is a fragments such as 'His parents,one sister and two older brothers making rei the youngest in his family' which lacks a subject, only a genitive noun. Small things should be changed, like he wasn't doing well instead of good, girls thought he was cute, not girls though he was cute.

The sentences are not run-ons or fragments. They are just a repetitive use of the same noun type, sometimes alternating with Rei and he. [EX: He graduated at eight. He was very smart. He uses taijutsus and ninjutsus. He had many friends in the academy.]
Many of the sentences like this can be combined and should be just to make reading easier. The writing is grammatically correct, it is just that shadowninja is pointing out that the writing is so repetitive that it seems incorrect. Although the posts are technically correct, try and use different subjects, a passive voice (she was hit by him instead of he was hit by her), and some transition words.

Also, let's not insult each other here. (including shadowninja, I know you don't like drunken jyuuken but we don't want a digital brawl on our hands XD)

[Shadow Ninja]

Really? Give me the link to them then. -_-

[kingjosh]

did I missed anything haruka?

[Haruka]

Bah...well. It is still slightly repetitious, and there are still small errors. It should be fine just for a character, but for fights and other posts it could get annoying. I guess this is ok to be approved, Mokoudon just needs to look at it.

[kingjosh]

thanks dude

[kingjosh]

is this accecpted or what?

[Shadow Ninja]

If it was accepted, would it still be in Ninja Registration?